October 17th, 2008

Quickies

A homeless man walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills and said "Excuse me, ma'am, I haven't eaten anything in four days."

She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower!"

A woman went to her doctor for her annual checkup and her doctor said, "Before we get started, tell me how you're doing. Has anything changed since I saw you last year?"

The woman said, "Well, everytime I sneeze I have an orgasm."

"Really," said the doctor. "And what are you taking for it?"

And the woman said, "Oh, just pepper."

A recent college graduate got an HR job in a large corporation and her first assignment was to train the employees in proper dress code and etiquette.

One day as she was getting in the elevator, a very young man who was casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her.

"Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?" she said in a scolding tone.

The young man replied with a grin, "Yeah, that's one of the benefits of owning the company."

Have you heard of the new Chinese cookbook?

It's call "101 Ways to Wok Your Dog."

A young man was visiting his elderly neighbor and he noticed a stuffed lion in the den.

The young man said, "Wow! When did you shoot that lion?"

The old man said proudly, "That was three years ago when I went hunting with my mother-in-law."

"What's he stuffed with?" asked the young man.

The old man smiled. "My mother-in-law."

Maggie and Betty were chatting while having lunch one day.

Maggie said, "Tell me, Betty, do you talk to your husband while you're having sex?"

Betty answered, "Heavens no! Why would I want to phone him at a time like that?"

Do you know what you call a meatless hotdog?

A halloweenie!

Tired of a listless sex life, a man came right out and asked his wife during a recent love-making session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"

She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!”

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him and said, "Hi, my name is Carmen."

He said, "That's a nice name. Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most... cars and men. What's your name?"

He said, "Johnny Titsengolf."

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